Lil' Disclaimer
I do not pretend to be an expert. These are things I've picked up from my personal experiences as someone who cooks for and eats with a person with gluten and soy sensitivities. This is by no means an exhaustive list and I welcome any comments that might make it more complete. Any doubts, concerns, or questions you have while baking should be posed to the person with the allergy (they are generally very knowledgable) or a physician/dietician.
With that in mind, here are some good things to know and consider:
Allergies/sensitivities/intolerances manifest differently and with varying severities. Everyone is different. Just because a person doesn't break out hives or need an EpiPen, doesn't mean that they are not allergic or sensitive or intolerant to certain foods. Life threatening illness, minor discomfort, hormonal reactions, and personal values are all very legitimate reasons for avoiding foods.
Allergies, sensitivities, and intolerances are all totally different things. If it seems relevant, I highly recommend reading up on them.
However, for simplicity's sake, hereafter I will refer to any or all of these with just the word "allergy" or "allergen".
I am hoping to write these instructions for the worst case scenario where even a small bit of cross-contact with the allergen will be dangerous. Discuss the severity of the allergy with your loved one before you prepare food for them so that you take all the appropriate precautions without stressing yourself out. If you don't read anything else on this list, read the link on cross-contact. Very helpful.
Before you start baking, be sure that all of your bowls, surfaces (refrigerator shelves too?), measuring cups/spoons, and oven mitts have been thoroughly washed with soap and warm water (even if they were clean to start- wash them again and dry them with a freshly washed towel) to remove trace amounts of allergens you normally use. If you are baking one specialty dish for a person with an allergy and other dishes for non-allergic people, bake the specialty dish first and store it in a temperature-appropraite place as far from items containing the allergen as possible.
This is an important one. Especially if you are new to allergy cooking/baking, but really all the time. READ ALL INGREDIENTS IN EVERYTHING YOU'RE USING. This means cooking spray/oil, juices, liquors, baking mixes, EVERYTHING. Even if you think you know what's in it, read the ingredient list. Things like gluten, corn, and soy are tricky. They appear in many forms in many products. I've been avoiding gluten and soy for almost 2 years and I still slip up at the grocery store! I have used this site before as reference for things that might contain allergens we avoid. Click the links of whichever allergen applies to you/your loved one. Many of these have a section that says, "Should be Safe" but unless you've discussed it with your loved one or their doctor, I'd stay away from those ingredients also.
Vegans are different from vegetarians. Vegetarians avoid meat, but do eat dairy and eggs. Vegans avoid all animal products. Reasons for doing so vary greatly from health to environmental consciousness to religion and more. Let's use that as a most basic, barebones definition. Speaking of bones! Not all vegans would consider refined sugar as appropriate for them to eat because of how it is processed. Some refined sugar is filtered through animal bone char. Raw sugar is one alternative. Read more about sugar alternatives and other vegan concerns here.
Baking for a crowd of people with one or more allergy apiece is quite difficult. Don't try to take on too much. Try to serve something everyone can eat if possible. Failing that, have a separate dish for your allergic guests. An example: At Thanksgiving, serve regular dressing in one dish and a smaller gluten-free dressing in a separate dish.
Don't be offended or surprised if your allergic loved one questions you about the methods, ingredients, or utensils used to prepare their dish/meal. It's not because they doubt your intentions or ability. It's likely part of a routine they must perform at restaurants to ensure their food will be edible. Hopefully they will do this in a way that is courteous, but keep in mind that people who are very new to allergies may be frustrated or overwhelmed.
If you discover that you've dipped a toe into forbidden territory and accidentally included or cross-contacted an allergen, do not allow your loved one to eat the dish. Better to be safe than sorry, always. Learn from the mistake and try again next time. Baking is about well-being and showing that you care. The gesture will be meaningful even if it isn't edible.
If cooking or baking seems too risky, do a little research on already prepared products sans allergen(s) you may be able to purchase at a grocery store. Udi and Enjoy Life are two of our favorite brands that have a wide range of products for a wide range of diets. Whole Foods has lots of great choices for a variety of dietary restrictions as well. We've nicknamed it "Whole (Paycheck) Foods" because it's over-priced, but sometimes it's the best (or only) option for what you're looking for.
People who have allergies generally do not expect to be accommodated in every (or even most) situations. More than likely they've planned ahead. But as a host/ess or friend, your inclusiveness means the world.
I would like to end this post by saying a hearty "THANK YOU!" to all of my friends and relatives who have accommodated Carlos and me for the last two years. From day one I've been able to count on my parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. for edible gluten/soy free meals and treats. And my closest friends have made a game out of shopping with me, "Which (insert product here) Can Sarah Take Home to Carlos?" Whether you've helped me find 1, 10, or 0 things, I am ALWAYS the winner of that game. I have the best family and friends anyone could dream up. We are so lucky to have your love and understanding. Thank you for believing that we deserve food that is both delicious AND safe.
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